HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!! I crack me up. I scream scones. Get it? Huh? Huh? Huh? You get it right? Don’t you? Sigh. No one ever understands the mind of a comic genius. Or me either for that matter 😛

I’ve always loved Scones. They are one of those things that I feel always need to be eaten wearing a fancy dress, big feathery hat and with ones picky sticking out as you drink English breakfast tea. I have to say, my husband and boys look great in a fancy dress and feathered hat. What?! They wanted the scones. I have rules! Conditions! Lots of emotional issues! Nobody forced them to wear the dresses. Well, not real force anyway. There were no weapons involved unless you count scones filled with ham, cheddar and dill as weapons. The sad part is that they all looked better in the clothes than I ever did. Something there is not right.

But seriously (I see you rolling your eyes at reading me say the word seriously. I can be serious sometimes!) I do love scones. But they have to be made a certain way. They have to be wedge shaped. None of the round ones for me. They have to be served with some sort of horribly decadent spread. Yeah, you’d never expect that last part from me huh? I’m just such the queen of healthful eating says the woman who ended up having a can of Hormel chili and Tostitos for dinner last night. and they have to be flaky. I can’t stand dense flat scones.

I started these with Ina Gartens Cheddar Dill scone recipe here On Food Network but changed them up quite a bit. I also made a oh so yummy caramelized onion cream cheese spread to go on them. The spread is good enough to just eat off of a spoon. Which I did. A  lot. Together, the scones and the spread give new meaning to “Bloody good old chap!”. Ok, so they are delicious. I just wanted to type something that was going through my mind in a British accent. We’ll get to my penchant for talking and thinking in foreign accents another time. I’ve traumatized you enough for now.

Ham, Cheddar & Dill Scones

• 4 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 tablespoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 3/4 pound (3 sticks) cold unsalted butter, diced
• 5 large eggs, beaten lightly
• 1 cup cold heavy cream
• 1 pound extra-sharp yellow Cheddar, grated
• 8 ounces diced ham (you can use leftover or they have small packs of already diced in the packaged meats section of most stores. Also, make sure your ham has been patted dry with a paper towel or your dough will be too moist)
• 2 tablespoons dried dill weed

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Combine 4 cups of flour, the baking powder, dill and salt in a large bowl. Add the butter and cut into the flour mixture with a pastry cutter until the butter is in pea sized crumbs. Stir in the cheese and the ham. Combine  well. Mix the eggs and heavy cream and quickly add them to the flour-and-butter mixture.  Mix until they are almost incorporated.

Dump the dough onto a well-floured surface and knead it for 1 minute, adding a bit more flour if needed to make a smooth cohesive dough. Divide dough in half and pat each half doen into a greased 9 inch cake pan. Score the tops of each dough round into 8 pieces. Bake at 400 for 20 to 25 minutes or until they are golden brown and cooked on the inside. Serve with butter or the “Omg, I love this” caramelized onion spread.

Caramelized Onion Cream Cheese Spread

• 1 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
• 1 stick unsalted butter, softened
• 2 small onions, cut into half moon slices
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1 teaspoon sugar
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt (or to taste)

Slice your onions in half then slice thinly into half rings. Add the olive oil to a  medium sauce pot. Over medium heat, add your onions to the pot. Stir to get all the onions covered in oil. Cover the pot and turn the heat down to low. Let the onions cook until wilted and soft, about 10 minutes.  Uncover the pot and turn your heat up to medium. Sprinkle the sugar over the onions and stir to combine. Stirring frequently to prevent burning, cook the onions until they are a nice golden brown color. This may take up to 20 minutes or so. Take them off the heat and let cool.

When the onions are cool, add your butter, cream cheese and salt to the pot with the onions (why mess up more dishes?). Beat well until mixture is creamy and well combined.  There ya have it… it’s done. The hardest part of it is cooking the onions.