Category Archives: Snacks and Appetizers

Sometimes Simple Is Best- Even When It Has A Touch Of Fancy

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Some of these with a glass of Shiraz and it was a wonderful meal

I’ve never been a fancy person. I mean, for heavens sake, I openly admit that two of my favorite foods are Cheetos and Twinkies. I’d say that qualifies as simple tastes. I also like Liverwurst, pickled herring and ham and cheese sandwiches (those rare times I even eat sandwiches that aren’t hot and gooey) on smooshy white bread spread with butter. Not sure if I just qualified myself as having simple tastes or just never having progressed past age six in my eating habits. 😛

But I do prefer simple foods for the most part. I have the worlds worst appetite especially for a heavy woman and forget to eat half the time. Were it not for my husbands prodding, I would probably live on tea, yogurt and the occasional lean cuisine meal. Give me some cheese, some bread, (a bottle of wine and thou? sorry; tangent) fruit and I’ll be happy unless it’s one of those times when I have a craving for a 20 inch thick ribeye steak cooked to a perfect medium rare.

So what I’ve made today appeals to me a lot on both the simple level and the not too much level and I hope it does to you also. Like the post title says, it has a bit of fancy to it. This comes with goat cheese which unless one owns a goat and makes it oneself is fancy based on price alone if nothing else (thank God for finding it on sale!). But otherwise, this is a simple homey meal (or appetizer) that is fairly quick to throw together and yet fancy enough to serve to guests. That goat cheese thing does that. Makes people think it’s fancy when in reality goat cheese has been a source of food for many many centuries.

Give this a try. I think you’ll like it. 🙂 The creamy slightly salty cheese with the fresh Spinach and the sweet caramelized tomatoes all atop of piece of crusty French bread is pure Heaven.

Goat Cheese, Spinach & Oven Roasted Tomatoes Bruschetta

  • 1 loaf French Baguette
  • 4 ounces goat cheese
  • 1/2 pound oven roasted cherry or grape tomatoes (the store bought ones in oil are fine if you prefer)
  • 1 6 ounce bag prewashed baby spinach leaves, stems removed and thoroughly dried
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • olive oil if roasting your tomatoes yourself
  1. If roasting the tomatoes yourself, preheat oven to 325. Slice the tomatoes in halves or quarters. Sprinkle with salt, pepper (and I also use McCormick Garlic/Onion Grill mix. It has nice pieces of both the onion and the garlic and adds both flavor and a wonderful aroma to the roasting tomatoes.) and drizzle with a good quality olive oil. Toss to coat the tomatoes well.
  2. Roast at 325 until the tomatoes are nicely caramelized and softened. You’re not trying for the texture of sun dried tomatoes here; just browned and soft.  Let cool somewhat.
  3. Slice your baguette into thin slices. Toast if you prefer it crunchier. I heated mine up in the oven but didn’t toast it.  Spread with the goat cheese and top with a spinach leaf or two and a little bit of the tomatoes.
  4. Eat and enjoy the simple things.

Rhapsody On A Theme

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I mentioned on my facebook page earlier that this is one of my favorite pieces of music-

Rhapsody On A Theme Of Paganini

 

It’s also kind of the way I cook.  Well, except when the baby is whining, the teens are ornery and my husband is oblivious. Then… not so rhapsodic. 😛 But generally speaking, cooking is a sort of rhapsody to me. It’s melodies and lyrics and booming orchestras all wrapped up in my cooking. But the problem is this…. like those horrid people who cover classics and remake them in Pop music *cough Michael Bolton/Mariah Carey* cough*, I am incapable of making something and keeping it as it was originally intended to be. Sometimes, this leads to total disaster and we just aren’t going to talk about that because I’m old and vain and refuse to have you laugh at me when I haven’t meant for that to happen. 😀

But other times, it works out quite well and that is when we have “Rhapsody On A Theme”.

Today, the theme was me wishing it were already Autumn and wanting something made with Pumpkin;  preferably scones. But could I just make Pumpkin scones and call it done? Nooooooo… not me! As you already know is par for the course, I have to mess with things and make them…well… MINE. So I did. I had just brought up from downstairs a bag of butterscotch candy. You know the ones. The little hard golden yellow ones. So the thought struck me that something about butterscotch and pumpkin and all the spices going with it seemed to go together. So I crushed up some of the butterscotch and mixed it in with the scone dough. Then sprinkled some on top before baking them. Then sprinkled a bit more on after glazing. And when it comes to pumpkiny treats, I have always been of the mind that 99.9% of recipes never have enough spices. I mean, c’mon… 1/2 teaspoons of cinnamon and other yummy spices!? No way mannnnnnn. I need more! More I say!! So…erhmmm… I added more. If you aren’t as fond of lots of sweet spice, go ahead and use less.

The result was a moist tender scone with a yummy Pumpkin spice flavor and a hint of butterscotch. That came with a spiced glaze and more hints of butterscotch. All in all, I’ll call ths one of my more successful rhapsodies 😀 These are quickly put together if you use the food processor. I didn’t use a mixer but I can’t see it taking much longer if you did. I hope you like it. If not, mail them to me. I’ll eat your share. 😛

These taste like Autumn and I don’t know about you but I’m ready.

Pumpkin Butterscotch Scones With A Spiced Butterscotch Glaze

  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 1 tablespoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
  • 3/4 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1/2 teaspoon cloves
  • 1/2 teaspoon ginger
  • 1/2 cup pumpkin puree
  • 1 large egg
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 3 tablespoons heavy cream
  • 7 tablespoons cold butter, cut into thin slices
  • 35 butterscotch disc candies, ground in the food processor
  • SPICED GLAZE-
  • 1 1/4 cups powdered sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 2 tablespoon milk
  • 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1/8 teaspoon ginger
  • 1/8 teaspoon cloves
  1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Combine flour, baking powder, 1/2 cup of the ground butterscotch discs (set remaining aside to use to sprinkle on scones before baking and after glazing), salt, sugar and spices in bowl of food processor.
  2. Add the butter to the food processor and pulse until no chunks of butter remain.
  3. Add in the pumpkin, egg and cream. Pulse until the mixture comes together into a soft ball.
  4. Dump the dough out onto a VERY lightly floured board. Pat out into a round about 3/4’s of an inch thick.
  5. Transfer dough to a lightly greased baking pan. Using a sharp knife, score all the way through the dough, cutting into 6 to 8 scones (I did six very large ones cause I know the guys I live with but normal people would want smaller ones lol) but don’t separate the scones. Sprinkle with half of the remaining ground butterscotch discs.
  6. Bake at 425 for 14 to 16 minutes or until they are light golden brown and firm on top.
  7. Cool on a wire rack.
  8. While they cool, whisk together all the glaze ingredients.  Spoon the glaze on top of the cooled scones, spreading to cover. Sprinkle with the remaining crushed butterscotch. Let the scones sit for about half an hour so that the glaze can set.
  9. Eat. Wish for a warm cozy fire and a cup of hot cider.

 

 

To Die For??? :P

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Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows how much I hate that phrase. I have joked before that as much of a foodie as I am (albeit a foodie with a crappy appetite who has to be forced to eat half the time lol) I can’t think of any foods that I would be willing to die for. Not even a medium rare ribeye with potato wedges and roasted brussel sprouts, which is my all time favorite meal (what btw, is YOUR favorite meal??? Tell me in comments section? 🙂 ). I may be willing to be seriously wounded for it (so long as my knife and fork skills aren’t ruined) but no dying. I just can’t think of any food worth dying for.

But there are some foods that I love enough (when I bother to eat 😛 ) to consider using the phrase. Twinkies and Cheetos of course. You didn’t know THAT was coming I bet did you? Hehe. Sushi is another; I LOVE sushi though if anyone ever tries to get me to eat the kind with raw eel in it, they are, as my dad would have said, “cruisin’ for a bruisin’. EWWWW!!!!! GOOD chocolate (we’re not talking Hershey bars here though there is a time and a place for them too) is something to think about using silly phrases for. Buy me a pound of Godiva (or twelve) and I’ll think about it. Buy me more and I may ask you to marry me. Just don’t tell my husband. He can be a bit touchy about that for some reason. Silly man. I’d share the Godiva. Maybe.

But this following recipe is so utterly delicious, so supremely satisfying and so summery (even with the use of canned tomatoes) that I actually thought about using the phrase “to die for”. I didn’t of course; I have my standards but I THOUGHT about it! That right there should tell you how wonderful this is.

I have only been to the restaurant this soup is purported to have been cloned from two times and I thought the food was passable but nothing worth writing home about. I had not however had this soup. I have made this a couple of times for my family and even my picky kids love it. This is creamy and tomatoey (again; now a word 😛 ), bursting with the flavor of fresh Basil with a mild sweet edge that helps cut the acidity of the tomatoes. Summer or Winter, this is a winner. So give it a try. Even in this hot weather, this is SO good!

This is adapted from a recipe on top secret recipes.

Creamy Tomato Basil Soup

  • 1 teaspoon olive oil
  • 1/2 cup minced onion
  • 1 teaspoon minced garlic (I used considerably more of this and the onion)
  • 2 28 ounce cans (good quality) crushed tomatoes
  • 3 cups (good quality) chicken broth
  • 3/4 cup heavy cream
  • 1/3 cup minced fresh basil (you can sub the pureed basil that comes in tubes in the produce section)
  • 1/3 cup sugar
  • 2 teaspoons fresh parsley (I omitted this because I didn’t have any & I saw no difference)
  • 1/4 cup fresh grated Parmesan cheese (optional. The original recipe didn’t have this but I added it)
  • 1/4 teaspoon oregano
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
  1. In a large pot over medium heat, saute the onion and garlic in the olive oil for about 3 to 4 minutes until softened.
  2. Add the crushed tomatoes and chicken broth and bring mixture to a boil then reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes. Turn heat off and let cool for up to an hour.
  3. Pour half the mixture in a blender (hold lid down with a towel if the soup is at all hot so the lid doesn’t fly off). Blend on high speed for about a minute and pour into a large bowl. Do the same with the second half (I actually don’t do that because I like a little bit of texture in the soup). Add all the soup back to the pot and add the remaining ingredients. Bring the soup back up to a low bubble then reduce heat and let simmer for 20 minutes. Garnish with desired toppings. I use Parmesan cheese and some julienned basil.

This Is Not Another Muffin Post

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Ok, I lied. Yes it is. Blame the people who follow my facebook page. I had a muffin idea in mind and asked there if they would revolt were I to post another muffin recipe and they got all excited about one more. So you can see that it’s all their fault right?? Yes… you and you and you. I’m looking your way! They forced me!!! They really did!!! I could have said no and posted sayyyyy… a liver recipe but then I would have felt horribly guilty and probably would have been turned off of cooking for weeks as I sat in bed and read cheap romance novels and ate Cheetos and Twinkies. Wait, I do that anyway. Ummm… I would have eaten ho hos as a change. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Then I would have gotten queasy and felt worse for over eating and it all would have led to it being weeks… nay, MONTHS before I posted another recipe and THEN where we would all be?! So this was the lesser evil. Honest.

So all of this is why you are getting another muffin recipe. The fate of humanity hung in the balance. Society NEEDED this recipe.

Ok, I’m gonna shut up now and post the recipe.

These were me playing around. I had been craving something mapley (yes, that too is now a word) but didn’t want pancakes. So I decided on muffins. What I ended up with was a mildly sweet muffin with the flavor of maple. I topped it with an oat, raisins (or ray-rees as my two year old calls them), pecan and maple syrup praline-ish crumble. I have to say, I was pleased with how these turned out. They aren’t too sweet which makes them a good bet for breakfast (or a snack, or dessert covered in more syrup and 32 scoops of vanilla ice cream or dinner if you’re not very hungry, or dinner if you want to eat 15 of them). So basically these muffin  are the perfect all around food. Aren’t you glad you have me here to make sure your dietary requirements are met? No no don’t thank me… just throw money. Large bills please.

This makes a lot of muffins (I got 24 regular sized ones and 4 large ones so it could be cut in half if you’re not feeding the hungry mongrel hordes)

Maple Muffins With A

Pecan & Maple Crumbly Praline Topping

  • 4 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 cup packed dark brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup pecans (can use more but I didn’t want a ton)
  • 4 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 1/2 cups milk
  • 1 cup melted butter
  • 1 cup maple syrup (use the real stuff)
  • 1/2 cup sour cream or plain yogurt
  • 2 large eggs
  • 3 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 2 teaspoons cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon nutmeg
  • TOPPING-
  • 1 cup rolled oats
  • 1/2 cup maple syrup
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 3/4 cup chopped pecans
  • 1/2 cup raisins
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease or line 24 muffin cups (and four big ones or do another partial batch of small ones after the first ones are done). In a medium bowl, combine the topping ingredients and stir well. Set aside.
  2. In a large bowl, combine the flour, brown sugar,  1/2 cup pecans, baking powder, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg.
  3. In another bowl (yes, you have to dirty three bowls. I’m so sorry. But if you have kids or a husband give them clean up duty.) combine the milk, eggs, syrup, sour cream & vanilla. Mix until combined, then add the melted butter.
  4. Fill the prepared muffin cups about 2/3 full with batter. Top each with a spoonful (it actually worked better when I just used my fingers and scooped it up) of the topping you set aside.
  5. Bake in a 350 degree oven until a nice golden brown, about 20 minutes. Let cool in pan for a minute or two then put on a wire rack to finish cooling. If they don’t fit on the rack, eat them. I won’t judge.
  6. Come back here and tell me how wonderful these were. Then say something mean to deflate my ego.  Then watch me weep and feel very guilty that you caused me such pain.

 

 

Muffin Overload Part Drei (Cause I don’t know how to spell three in French)

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But I’m letting you know here and now. I kinda like citrus flavors. I know; shocking huh? You never would have figured that out if I hadn’t offered the info, would you? I hide it so well. Did you know about the Twinkie and Cheeto addiction? Ok, I’m pushing it now huh?

I seriously do have a thing for citrus though. Especially Lemon. No wait… limes. But then again the orange family is kinda cool. Ooo, ooo, oooo, I forgot grapefruit. Sigh. I can’t choose. This is why you all get subjected to so many citrus recipes. Somehow I doubt too many people mind though. I have noticed that after chocolate (before in some cases but I figure they need massive therapy) citrus recipes, especially lemon seem to be among the most popular. Be it sweet or savory, they seem to rule the foodie roost. Why do I suddenly have a mental image of a big lemon chicken crowing?

I wanted to make something lemony for the last part of the muffin overload series. But plain old boring lemon muffins are…well… boring. Not that these have had any drastic changes made to them. I just played enough with a basic muffin recipe to give them some oomph (add that one to the list of  “where the heck did that word come from” words. I mean… seriously? Oomph?) I added a dollop of lemon curd to the center and used Greek yogurt to the batter for richness, moisture and even a modicum of nutrition (scary huh?) Then I coated then with a very sunnyish (yes, that is now a word. Love me, love my quirks 😛 ) honey lemon glaze (there’s that honey lemon thing peeking it’s head up again huh? What can I say? I enjoy the combo.) If you don’t want the lemon honey glaze you could go with a lemon and powdered sugar glaze or just leave them naked. But if you do, they will be very embarrassed. Lemon muffins are timid creatures. Did I mention that love me, love my quirks thing? Just checking. But try these timid muffins. The muffin is a sweet lemony flavor with a tiny bit of tang yet the curd and the glaze add a yummy lemony tartness. This can be cut in half if 24 muffins is too much for you.

Triple Lemon Muffins

  • 1 cup unsalted butter, softened
  • 1 1/2 cups sugar
  • 4 large eggs
  • 2 2/3 cups all purpose flour
  • 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • zest of two large lemons
  • 1/2 cup lemon juice
  • 1 cup plain Greek yogurt
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons lemon extract
  • 2 teaspoons almond extract (yes, almond extract. It adds an indefinable something to so many fruit recipes. Trust me.)
  • 1 jar store bought lemon curd (the home made version is too soft to work well)
  • 4 tablespoons lemon juice
  • 4 tablespoons honey
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line 24 muffin cups with paper or foil liners.
  2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar. Add the eggs, extracts and lemon juice. Beat in the yogurt.
  3. In another bowl, mix the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and lemon zest.
  4. Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and pour in the wet mixture all at once, Stir until just combined.
  5.  Spoon batter into lined muffin cups, filling about 2/3 full. Add a small spoonful of the lemon curd to the top of each cup of muffin batter.
  6. Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes or until a light golden brown. Remove from pan and let sit on a wire rack.
  7. Mix the honey and remaining lemon juice. Drizzle or spoon glaze over the tops of the warm muffins. Let finish cooling on the rack. Store in your belly. 😀

Muffin Overload Part One

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Ignore that mine are funny shaped. I am the poster child for overfilling muffin cups lol

My much loved husband has left until tomorrow. He is going to pick up his kids so that they can come here to visit for a couple of weeks. So in what I know is a totally misguided effort on my part, one that is doomed to failure because..well, I am going to be surrounded by 4 teenagers, one almost teen, a toddler and a grown man not known for neatness, I am trying to make some baked goods to wrap and store.

My hope is that 1) I won’t be constantly deluged with ardent cries of “Janet/momma/hon, I’m hungry… when’s dinner…dessert…breakfast…lunch…my 47th snack of the day”  if there are fairly healthy wholesome snackies around and 2) that maybe, just maybe, this can be a bit of a vacation for me too as opposed to my having to follow a bunch of almost grown up, one grown up and a little one around saying “Can you please pick that up/put that away/stop painting the cat pink/quit tying up your step brother/sister with duct tape” and variations on that theme. I know… I’m naive. I always have had a rather unhealthy preoccupation with rose colored glasses. 😛

But I am giving it the old college effort (yet another saying that when I contemplate it, I wonder where it came from. Isn’t a “college effort” something consisting of seeing how many beers you can chug in two minutes without throwing up? ). I made a few different kinds of muffins and am working on cookies.  I’m going to share the muffin recipes in a three part post series. Why? Because that way I don’t have to write one post the size of War And Peace 😀 So here is the first. Blueberry Cheesecake Muffins. Enjoy. Slather with butter or jam or honey or…or…liverwurst if that’s your muffin thing. 😛 This makes 26 to 30 muffins (remember, I’m cooking for the hungry mongrel hordes) but it should be easily halved. Or doubled. Or quadrupled…or Eightrupled (yes, I know that’s not a word but I liked the way it sounded). They are tender & moist with a yummy blueberry almondish flavor and a slight tang from the cream cheese.

Blueberry Cheesecake Muffins

  • 4 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 3/4 cups sugar
  • 1 tablespoon baking powder
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 8 ounces cream cheese, softened
  • 2 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 4 teaspoons almond extract
  • 4 large eggs
  • 1/2 cup melted butter (unsalted please)
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1/2 cup plain Greek yogurt
  • 2 1/2 cups fresh blueberries (could use frozen I would assume in the off season; just use them still frozen, not thawed)
  1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease 30 muffin cups or  line with paper or foil liners.
  2. In a large bowl, mix together the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Stir well and set aside for now.
  3. In another large bowl,beat the cream cheese until smooth. Add the eggs, lemon juice, vanilla extract and almond extract. Beat well.
  4. Add in the melted butter. Beat well. Add the milk and yogurt. yep; you guessed it. Beat well 😛
  5. Gently fold in the blueberries. Fill muffin cups 3/4 fill (do not do what I did and overfill them. Oops? and bake at 350 for about 30 minutes or until a nice golden brown. Cool on a wire rack for 15 minutes. Eat. Do that liverwurst thing. Just don’t tell me about it.

Egging You On

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Boo!!! Hiss!!! There I go again with the completely lame puns. Hehehehe. You wouldn’t love me anymore if I stopped.

I’ve always been so so on eggs. When it comes to your typical fried, scrambled, etc, I eat them maybe three or so times a year. About the same amount of times I get a strange craving for a PB&J on mushy store bought white bread. No, I’m not a major peanut butter fan either, unless one counts Reeses peanut butter cups. Then, yep! I’m a peanut butter fan! That counts right? Right? Huh? Tell me it counts.

With eggs however, ehhhh. A scrambled or fried egg sandwich every once in a great while (again; must be on mushy store bought white bread and nothing on it but salt and pepper. I think it’s a nostalgic thing.) and I will do the breakfast for dinner thing at times and make eggs, toast, sausage, yada yada. But as I have crudely joked to my husband, one reason I don’t like eggs is because egg burps are the grossest things on earth (watches my readership bottom out). C’mon now; this is ME! You know I don’t pull punches in here. 😀 Anything for a laugh…or in this case, a groan and a shudder. You know I’m right on that though; they really are gross. 😛

But one egg dish I do love is Deviled Eggs. I could happily eat my weight in them. I’m not sure why I am willing to eat them but yet really don’t care for eggs in general. I would guess it is that it isn’t as “eggy” with all the contrasting flavors. So today I made something I had been planning on trying to create for a while; Smoked Salmon Deviled Eggs. They turned out really good if I do say so myself. Good enough that I now have absolutely no interest in cooking or eating dinner because I am filled up on deviled eggs. Ummm…oops? One thing they didn’t have however was the extra smoked salmon I had planned to garnish them with. Why you ask? Because when I went to get it from the fridge, I noticed that the chub of salmon I had was ten days past it’s “best by” date. Sigh. That will teach me to not check things like that when I buy them. So when you make yours (and you ARE going to make them right? Because I’m adorable and batting my lashes at you right now.) they will look different from my picture because YOURS will have yummy pieces of smoked salmon on top of them. So try these. They would make a perfect appetizer for the fourth of July because 99% of you planned on making deviled eggs anyway so why not give these a whirl?

Smoked Salmon Deviled Eggs

  • 1o hard boiled eggs
  • 1/4 cup mayonnaise
  • 1 8 ounce tub smoked salmon cream cheese, softened
  • 1 teaspoon dried dill weed (yes, dried. It has a stronger flavor. Save the fresh for the garnish.)
  • 1/2 teaspoon yellow mustard
  • 1 tablespoon lemon zest
  • 1 4 ounce chub of smoked salmon, cut into 20 pieces
  • fresh dill and smoked paprika for garnish
  1. Slice eggs in half. Take out the yolks and put them into a medium sized bowl along with the cream cheese spread, mayo, mustard, lemon zest & dried dill. Set the whites aside. Beat the yolk mix well until it is pretty much lump free. I say pretty much because I don’t know about you, but short of using a ricer or food mill which is FAR too much trouble for deviled eggs, I’ve never been able to get them lump free.
  2. Pipe or spoon the mixture back into the reserved egg white shells. Garnish with the smoked salmon pieces, smoked paprika and a sprig of fresh dill.
  3. Eat. Realize YOU no longer want to make dinner. Listen to your family gripe because they don’t get dinner again because you filled up on blog post type food.
  4. If you have any extra, it is wonderful on an everything English muffin. Don’t ask me how I know that too. *Groans* I think I ate too much.

His & Her Housecleaning & White Trash Dip

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I am being so NOT politically correct today. Long humor post that will probably offend some men out there and a recipe whose name will probably offend others. But if you read my blog regularly, you know that for me political incorrectness and “anything for a laugh” are my trademarks :-D. On that note, remember that I lurves you all 😛

His And Her Housecleaning-
As you read this keep three words in mind please; TONGUE IN CHEEK!!!

How to clean the kitchen…her way.

Start at the top because it makes no sense to clean upwards…everyone knows that. Clean the shelves where you store things and dust and windex all the little knick knacks until they are glittering enough to make an ADHD person stop and say “oooo, shiny things!”

Clean the counters and other surfaces with a steaming hot soapy rag making sure to lift up things on the counter to get the nasties trying to hide under and behind them… germs…ugh!!

Get the Clorox wipes and re-wipe everything after thoroughly drying the counter…germs…UGH!

Look into the cabinets and see how the flour has spilled onto the shelves some. Take the flour out to wipe up the spill and then notice that other things look disorganized and think that there is no way you can cook in a kitchen like that. Take everything out of the one cabinet and straighten it out, again using the Clorox wipes. Get thoroughly grossed out when you find a piece of old stale bread that has somehow gotten shoved to the back of the cabinet. Gag a little as you throw it out.

Notice how nice that cabinet now looks in comparison to the others and with a happy OCD sigh start on the other cabinets, whistling as you alphabetize the spices and make sure all the cans are grouped by food category.

Clean out microwave using boiling water/vinegar method also making sure to move microwave to get anything trapped underneath.

Clean kitchen window, inside and out, cleaning any fingerprints and marks in the door also.

That done, get out mop bucket. Fill with water that is about half a degree away from boiling. Put in enough Pine-Sol and disinfectant to scare away any germs within a 45 mile radius. Mop floor…twice. Then get out floor wax and on hands and knees, cover every inch of the floor in a shiny coating making sure to wipe down baseboards as you work.

Open refrigerator with trepidation because you never know what new mess you will find in there. Take everything out, throwing out anything past it’s date or that looks as if it could be an experiment for Dr. Frankenstein (or is that franc-en-steen?). Clean off the shelves with diluted bleach water, again steaming hot. Sigh as you wonder why your kids have opened 3 different containers of mayo and 4 of the same type of jam. Put everything back in, making sure to put the oldest near the front in the vain hope that it will get used first.

Finally done, reward yourself with a cup of hot tea and something chocolate. Relax….for five minutes…until the kids enter the kitchen and ruin everything you just finished. Start over.

His way….assuming he doesn’t live with a woman.

Go into the kitchen to get a beer. Notice that to get to the refrigerator, you had to navigate past three full trash bags and a sticky floor stain that you are pretty sure is from when your bud Joe got sick last week after too many brews and nachos. Damn, you thought you had cleaned that. Lean down and inspect it a little closer and think to yourself that Joe really needs to chew his food better; that had to have hurt coming up.

Decide maybe you should do something about the kitchen. Women like a clean man so if you can brag about your spotless kitchen, you may have a better chance of getting laid by that chick at the office with the big knockers.

Search for 30 minutes for the cleaning supplies finally finding a dusty bottle of Windex, some rags and some Mr. Clean under the kitchen sink from the last time your mother cleaned up the apartment for you. Wonder where the hell all those pots and pans under your sink came from and what you’re supposed to do with them; doesn’t everyone order food in every night? Look at the picture of Mr. Clean and think he has nothing on your buff body. Do some poses for a few minutes in comparison then get to work.

Take the trash outside to the dumpster. Come back in breathing heavy and tell yourself you have to start going back to the gym. Get out a beer from the fridge, recoiling at the stench and sit down in front of ESPN Sportscenter for a few minutes… that was hard-ass work and you deserve a break.

Finish the beer and go back into the kitchen after taking a leak and doing some more Mr. Clean poses in front of the bathroom mirror.

Get the rags and the Windex and spray about half a bottle on the counter figuring more is better. Sop it up with the rags not bothering to move any of the crap on the counter; you’ll toss that crap in a new trash bag when you’re done with the smelly spray stuff. Sneeze a few times cause of the ammonia smell and wipe your hands on your jeans after looking at the snot on your palm.

Take the now dripping smelly goop covered rags over to the microwave cause you figure nows the time to clean it too since the door has to be pulled with brute force just to get it open cause it’s sticky as all hell. Wipe the insides out with the rags laughing a little as you remember when you and the guys blew up one of those little plastic cans of beans in there a few months back cause you forgot to take the lid off. Clean up the beans still stuck to the inside top of the microwave and wonder if that’s what fell into your TV dinner a couple nights ago. Oh well, who cares? It tasted fine.

Figure that now that the rest of the kitchen looks so damn good, you should do the fridge and the floor. Damn, that girl at work is gonna fall all over you when you tell her what a housekeeping god you are!

Get one of those pots from under the sink…least they’re good for something anyway and fill it partway with cold water and then dump the rest of the Windex in there. Go get the mop from your deck where you were using it as a field hockey stick one night about a year ago to try to make beer cans fly over to the dumpster.

Dunk the mop into the pot and slop it all over the floor. Work on the puke stain for a bit. When it doesn’t come up, figure at least it looks like clean throw up now and leave it. You’re getting tired; you can always buy one of those girly rugs to cover the spot. That’ll just add to your housekeeping/decorating god status.

Finish the floor. Use the mop to have an imaginary sword fight with someone, flinging filthy water all over the counters you “cleaned”.

Open the fridge and recoil from the stench again. Find some Chinese take out from last week and sit down and have a bite to eat, scooping away the crusty parts. Set the container on the counter when you are done and toss the plastic fork in the sink.

Go back to the still open refrigerator. Take out a…a…a… something green and hard and smell it. Realize it isn’t the source of the smell and toss it in the garbage scoring two points for the free throw. Dig around a little, moving the mayo jar with no lid, the 12 take out containers, 4 McDonalds bags, 36 beers and that tofu your last girlfriend left there in ’05 to the side.

Finally, near the back, you find a slimy dripping piece of what you think used to be KFC. Smell it, realize you have found the source of the smell and start to throw it out. Change your mind with an evil grin thinking you will hold on to it until this weekend when Joe comes over to watch the game. Figure you’ll let him have a few brews then offer him a snack… this should be classic! Wrap it up in foil so at least it won’t reek anymore. Wipe your now windexed, beaned and slimed hands on your jeans. Look around the kitchen and feel proud of yourself and mentally leer at the cleavage of “office girl” as you imagine her nude on your kitchen counter. Get another beer, leave the kitchen and go watch TV. Repeat in six months.

White Trash Dip

  • 1 15 ounce can of your favorite chili
  • 2 8 ounce packages cream cheese, softened
  • 2 cups sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
  • 1 lb bacon, cooked and crumbled
  • 4 green onions
  • 1 teaspoon ground chipotle pepper for garnish
  • Tostito Artisan Fire Roasted Chipotle Tortilla Chips or Tostito Artisan Black bean and Garlic Tortilla Chips
  1. Heat oven to 350.
  2. Mix all but the chipotle pepper together in a large bowl.
  3. Spoon into a 2 quart baking dish and cook at 350 until golden and bubbly, about 20 minutes.
  4. Sprinkle with the chipotle pepper.
  5. Serve with chips and/or thinly sliced baguette (add a little French flair to your white trash 😛 )

Panini AKA Smooshed Up Sandwich

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Hey there! Get me a sammich! And don’t forget the beer! Well, maybe a glass of wine or some Baileys. But make it quick! I’m hungry! And thirsty!

Ahhh, shades of my past there lol. Except it was beer and I was on the receiving end of that 😛

Do you ever mentally look back at the younger version of yourself and think “OMG… what WAS I doing? What was I thinking when I did that…said that… LIVED that?” Yeah; me too. Some of the choices I made and those I let be made for me were pretty atrocious.

Many that I can’t regret however. Even with two failed marriages behind me (yes, two… I was young and naive both times though I get along with both exes now; time and maturity heals a lot of wounds plus life is too short for hating) I can’t regret them because of my children. Plus, as cliche as it sounds, you grow from the stupidity. My regrets stem more from choices I made that hurt others. You know what I mean? You don’t get to middle age without having done things that made life difficult for others.

What DO I regret however?

I regret not going to college.

I regret the times I missed with my kids when life was busy because they are the best kids on Earth.

I regret anger.

I regret the time I didn’t buy the strawberry cream filled Twinkies. (C’mon you expected ALL seriousness out of me?)

I regret letting myself be hurt by other, emotionally and physically.

I regret giving up my eleven mile a day walks

I regret times I have inadvertently hurt my husband because he is the best man on Earth.

I regret that I don’t have a better relationship with my stepchildren though I know that is more them than me.

I regret that third glass of wine each and every time I’ve done it 😀

Last (but certainly not least but I had to stop somewhere… ) I regret not having started this blog sooner because it has been a gateway to meeting so many wonderful people. Yeah, I’m lookin’ at YOU over there squinting at your computer screen. Put on your glasses for petes sake!

I don’t however regret inventanating (yes, that is now a word because I again said so. I like having the “Janet Vocabulary”) this panini (aka Smooshed Up Sandwich). It is quite tasty if I do say so myself.

When we grilled last night, I also made some boneless skinless chicken thighs (yes, you can sub chicken boobies in here. I used thighs to maintain moistness if reheated) to try to play with. Ok, that sounds wrong on more levels than I want to contemplate. I wanted to make them so that I had some meat to work with later.

Sigh. I give up.

I WANTED SOME CHICKEN TO MAKE THINGS OUT OF!!

This is pretty versatile. You could use chicken breast, a sliced up rotisserie chicken, different bread, what have you. The only components you would need to keep the same to have the same basic sandwich is the aioli and the specific cheese (though if you absolutely hate Brie just use another soft creamy cheese). But I’m going to post it the way I made it and the version that my husband gobbled up. Also, if you don’t have a panini press, you can make this in a non stick pan by pressing down hard on it with a heatproof plate using a pot holder. The effect isn’t quite the same but it works.

Grilled Chicken Panini

With Caramelized Onions & A

Sundried Tomato, Basil & Garlic Aioli

  • 2 small grilled boneless skinless chicken thighs
  • 1 sub roll (I used an Asiago cheese one)
  • 2 ounces sliced brie
  • 2 medium onions, thinly sliced (about 1 1/2 cups)
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar (optional)
  • 1/2 cup good quality mayo
  • 1/4 cup sun dried tomatoes
  • 1/4 cup fresh basil, chopped fine
  • 1 teaspoon minced garlic
  • 1 teaspoon lemon zest
  • 1 teaspoon lemon juice
  1. Make the aioli- mix the mayo with the sun dried tomatoes, basil, garlic, lemon zest and lemon juice. Refrigerate for about an hour so so to let the flavors blend.
  2. Make your caramelized onions- put your sliced onions in a pan with the olive; stir to coat. Over medium heat, cook the onions until soft and limp. Turn heat to low (about 3 to 4), add salt and slowly cook until golden brown, about 20 minutes. Stir in the balsamic vinegar if using. You’ll have extra onions; just put them in a covered container in the fridge and save for another time.
  3. Slather the inside of one half of the roll with the aioli. Layer on the chicken, caramelized onions and cheese. Put in a preheated panini press and press down hard. I had to hold one side in with the side of a butter knife to prevent it from sliding out at first because it’s a thick sandwich. Press down hard for about 2 minutes.
  4. Take out, slice in half, eat and drip juices everywhere. Write me a thank you note 😀

 

 

 

Is There Such A Thing As “Basil Rehab”?

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Cause if there is, I think I need it. Every year I plant a handful of Basil plants and every year, I have the poor things picked down to baby leaves before we even get to July. I need Basil Twinkie Curry and Cheeto rehab. At the rate I’m going I am going to have to buy every basil plant at the store come Spring each year. The first year it was one plant. It was  a mild addiction. I used fresh basil in spaghetti sauces and in tomato sandwiches and periodically went out and just crushed a leave in my fingers and smelled it,. Then I would be caught sniffing my hands for hours afterward. Talk about awkward.  The next year I bought three. That was when I ventured out into making homemade pesto and using the Basil on anything involving tomatoes and cheese. there was also the time I was found on the back porch by my husband, late at night, with my head buried in the basil leaves and suspicious green streaks around my mouth. But we don’t talk about that. It traumatized him. This year I bought five plants. They are already nubs. I think I have been doing sleepwalking basil eating. that or my love of Caprese has also turned into a serious addiction.

Todays recipe probably doesn’t help if I were to deny a Caprese problem.

Everyone knows what Monkey Bread is right? Well, with my mind wrapped firmly around the idea of “pant pant drool drool… what else can I do with basil? Slurp slurp.. BASSSSIIILLLLLLLL”  the idea occurred to me that a version of Caprese would make a good Monkey bread. So I tried. I tried first stuffing rolls with a yummy Sun dried Tomato Bruschetta topping I have but that didn’t work. Too oily and the rolls wouldn’t seal. So instead I took rolls, stuffed them with a mix of sun dried tomatoes, fresh Basil and mozzarella. Then I sprinkled it with Parmesan cheese and Italian seasoning , drizzled the whole thing with garlic butter and baked it. Oh my God. Talk about cheesy basily (yes that is now a word cause I said so 😛 ) Heaven. Between the tart chewy sun dried tomatoes, the gooey cheese, that wonderful addictive Basil and the garlic butter and oh yeah the soft yeasty rolls, this was so full of flavor it should have been illegal. I’m glad it wasn’t though or I’d be in jail for eating three of them in quick succession. What!? I was hungry! My husband never feeds me. He’s mean like that. Plus, I can’t tell all of you what it tastes like If I haven’t tried it. Right? Of course right. 😀

So give this a try. If you have a thing for Caprese or just love cheese, I think you’ll love this one. 🙂 Enjoy!

Caprese Stuffed Rolls

A La

Monkey Bread Style

  • 28 frozen raw store bought yeast rolls 
  • 1 pound block mozzarella cheese, cut into 28 cubes
  • 28 to 56 fresh basil leaves (depends on the size of the leaves how many you will need)
  • 28 bite sized sun dried tomato pieces
  • 1 stick (1/2 cup) SALTED butter
  • 1 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes (optional)
  • Grated Parmesan cheese and Italian seasoning for sprinkling
  1. Thaw the rolls on a greased piece of foil or waxed paper.
  2. When rolls are thawed, preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Grease a monkey bread pan or any circular straight sided and flat bottomed baking pan.
  3. Take each roll and with your hands, flatten out into a circle. On each roll, put one to two basil leaves, a chunk of the mozzarella and a piece (or two if small) of the sun dried tomato. Press the roll around the cheese, making sure to seal well so they don’t pop open as they bake.
  4. In a microwave safe bowl, melt the salted butter, garlic powder and red pepper (if using) on high. Should take about 60 seconds. Stir well to mix
  5. Make a layer of the stuffed rolls in the greased pan. Drizzle liberally with the garlic butter.  Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and Italian seasoning.  Make one more layer. Drizzle with the rest of the garlic butter. Sprinkle with more Parmesan and Italian seasoning. Bake at 350 until puffed and golden brown on top. Let sit in the pan for about 3 to 5 minutes then invert over a large plate. Eat until you’re going to burst. 😀