Tag Archives: chocolate

But What Will I Leave The Children?!

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I’m not a wealthy woman. So far from it it’s giggle worthy. I have the same pipe dreams as everyone else about winning the lottery and living a life of leisure in my 4 bedroom house that has a library with floor to ceiling bookshelves. I’d eat seafood every night except for the nights I was eating steak of course. My kids would never need anything and I would be able to leave them large inheritances…such large ones that I would have around the clock security and metal detectors at the front door for when they came over to fawn over me and ask about my health. What?! I believe in being cautious!

But in real life… the same one where I clean my own toilets, clean up cat poop. have cooked approximately 10,000 meals since I entered adulthood (who am I kidding? I still haven’t entered adulthood. I don’t think you are allowed to say that until you prefer something other than Ho-Hos for dinner), did NOT pay someone else to give birth to six children (wouldn’t that be awesome!? Childbirth by proxy! Yeah baby!. Sorry. Moving on.) and have carpets desperately in need of steam cleaning, I don’t have large inheritances to leave my kids. So what will they be fighting over? Besides my collection of old rock and country albums and cassette tapes (yes, I have cassette tapes. Shush.) 300 gazillion books, more spices than any one household should have, stuffed animals older than dirt and the worlds strangest collection of knick knacks (including Stanley the Pig) that is? I was going to leave them my recipes. I had grand plans of making 6 different hand bound copies, lovingly hand printed, of all the recipes they grew up with and loved. My spaghetti sauce, lasagna, sticky buns, chicken curry, homemade rolls, banana bread, cranberry pumpkin bread, homemade apple butter and so many more. Mind you, in reality, they would have been left with rubbermaid containers and drawers (not to mention the top of my hard drive which is groaning under the weight of miscellaneous paper)  filled with about 3000 printed out recipes and some hand written ones but hey, my intentions were good. They will have to find the correct recipes (that is assuming I even HAVE a recipe for whatever they are looking for. Most of my cooking is just trial and error) and then figure out how I changed them because I never write down my changes. Between you and I, part of that is because I’m a stingy cuss who doesn’t want anyone to have my recipes 😛

But now that I have started this blog, my poor kids are screwed. They get nuthin’. Cause all my recipes are going to end up on here eventually. Such as today as I post my chocolate chocolate chip banana bread recipe. So what will I leave the children? Some Andy Gibb albums, figurines of a pig, old clothes and Bobby Goldsboro cassette tapes.

So kids… don’t fight over it all. And be nice to the piggie.

CHOCOLATE CHOCOLATE CHIP BANANA BREAD

  1. 2 cups flour
  2. 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  3. 1 teaspoon salt
  4. 2 teaspoons baking soda
  5. 1 cup butter (2 sticks), softened
  6. 1 cup sugar
  7. 6 to 8 mashed bananas
  8. 1 1/2 teaspoons banana extract
  9. 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  10. 4 large eggs
  11. 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips
  12. 1 cup walnuts (optional; I rarely use them)
  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Grease and flour two loaf pans or use the cooking spray that has both oil and flour in it. Either nine inch or eight inch will work. I use nine inch and that is what my cooking time is based on.
  • In a small bowl,mix together the flour, cocoa powder, salt and baking soda.
  • In a large bowl, cream the butter and sugar. Add the bananas and mix well. Mix in the eggs, vanilla extract and banana extract. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and mix just until combined. Mix in the chocolate chips and walnuts if you are using them.
  • Pour into the two pans and bake for 60 to 70 minutes or until a toothpick or skewer poked into the center of the loaf comes out almost clean. It’s ok if there are a few moist crumbs on it.. Let it cool for five minutes in the pan then turn it out onto a wire rack to finish cooling.

I Need More Caffeine

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I’ve never been a big coffee drinker. Tea has always been my caffeine of choice. That of course leaves me having to drink 14 cups of tea to get the same caffeine effect as one cup of coffee but that’s ok; the bathroom isn’t that far away from the kitchen or my computer desk.

I am however a fan of frou-frou girly coffee drinks. You know the ones I mean; the kind that have 95% of your daily calorie intake, lots of whipped cream, hopefully some sprinkles or at least chocolate syrup and the type that no grown man would be seen dead ordering or drinking. Which is why my husband always waits until  I order one and we are safely hidden away in the car before he drinks half of mine and I pout and slap his hand. But seriously…they taste like dessert. Need I say more?

So I decided I wanted brownies. But coffee drinks kept invading my mind. That left me with no choice but to make my brownies taste like a frou frou girly coffee drink. The best part is that these have even more calories and fat than one of those drinks  😛 and you can make some highly sweetened coffee topped with whipped cream and sprinkles to have WITH them! See. I think of your needs on a daily basis. It’s why I’m here. So make these, have some coffee with them and then go on a major cleaning spree due to excessive caffeine intake.

Mocha Dulce De Leche Brownies

  1. 8 ounces unsweetened chocolate
  2. 1 cup unsalted butter (yes- one cup.)
  3. 2 tablespoons instant coffee powder
  4. 5 eggs
  5. 3 cups sugar
  6. 2 tablespoons vanilla extract
  7. 1 1/2 cup all purpose flour
  8. 1 teaspoon salt
  9. 1 can Dulce De Leche -you can either buy a can in the ethnic section of the store or make your own with This Recipe
  10. 1 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
  • Preheat oven to 375 degrees or 365 degrees if your oven tends to run hot. Foil line and grease a 13×9 inch baking pan.
  • Melt unsweetened chocolate, coffee and butter in a bowl in the microwave on high power, stirring at 30 second increments until it is melted and smooth.
  • In a large bowl, beat eggs, sugar and vanilla on high speed for five minutes. yes, you read that right; five minutes.
  • Blend in chocolate/butter mixture, flour and salt using a rubber spatula or wooden spoon and only until mixed; don’t over mix.
  • Pour batter into the foil lined pan. Spoon the dulce de leche  at even intervals onto the batter. If you have bought the small cans, rather than make your own, you may need 2 cans to get a decent amount on the brownies. Sprinkle on the chocolate chips.
  • Bake for 35 to 45 minutes or until top is crackly looking and toothpick inserted in center (make sure not to insert through chip or caramel) comes out mostly clean, i.e. a little bit of crumb on it but no liquid.
  • Let cool completely before cutting. If you don’t they will fall apart into a gooey mess and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it certainly isn’t pretty 😛

Red Velvet Cupcakes

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Since I still have no oven *sobs piteously and falls to the floor whining and kicking* I am posting a recipe that I have on food.com. The following is my link there if you’d like to see my page and my recipes:

Janet’s page on food.com

This is for red velvet cupcakes. I normally find the frosting on red velvet cake or cupcakes cloyingly sweet but not on these. These are the favorite of one of my daughters in law. If she and my son come to visit and I haven’t made these, there are violent threats and temper tantrums 😛

RED VELVET CUPCAKES

  1. 1 (18 ounce) box red velvet cake mix
  2. 1 4 ounce box instant chocolate pudding
  3. 1 8 ounce package cream cheese, softened
  4. 4 cups powdered sugar
  5. 1/2 cup (one stick) unsalted butter, softened
  6. 2 teaspoons vanilla extract, divided
  7. 1 cup whipped cream (can use cool whip or homemade whipped cream. I tihnk we all know by now which I choose 😛 )
  • Prepare cake mix as directed on box, adding in the box of chocolate pudding mix and 1 tsp of the vanilla extract.
  • Beat well for at least 2 minutes. Batter will be thick
  • Fill a touch over half full muffin tins that have been well greased or lined with muffin/cupcake liners; don’t fill too high as they rise considerably.
  • Cook according to directions on box of cake. When done, cool on wire rack.
  • While the cupcakes are cooking, make the frosting. Do your best to NOT follow my lead and eat half the frosting before the cupcakes are even cooled. Oh what the heck; go ahead. You can always make more 😀
  • Using a mixer, beat cream cheese, remaining tsp of vanilla and butter in large bowl until well blended; gradually beat in powdered sugar.
  • Beat in whipped topping (or whipped cream) and continue beating until frosting is thick and creamy looking, giving it enough time for the powdered sugar to break down and dissolve or you will have grainy frosting.
  • If too thick, add a little bit of milk or cream. Add just a bit at time. You can always add more but if you add too much, you end up with glaze not frosting and believe me, you don’t want to ruin this frosting.

  • When cupcakes are cool, spread or pipe the frosting on the cupcakes. Then do as I normally suggest; grab a few and go hide in the closet with a flashlight and a good book. Enjoy. 🙂

The Proof Is In The Pudding…Or Something Like That

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What the heck does that MEAN anyway? It’s one of those saying that everyone has heard but only Etymologists understand. There are so many weird sayings that have been passed on down through the ages. Where the heck did “A little bird told me” come from? I can’t count how many times someone would tattle on me when I was a kid (and I have no idea why. I was an angel- an ANGEL I tell you!) and my mother would tell me that a little bird told her I had done whatever it was I was about to get in trouble for. I…WANT…THAT…DARN…BIRD! I have a frying pan ready for him. Gossiping little piece of feathers got me in more trouble when I was young.

Other sayings make far too much sense. Like ” A fool and his money are soon parted”. We won’t delve too deeply into that one. But…ummm… take my advice. Stay away from Amazon when you’re tired and bored.

Or “A penny for your thoughts”. Am I the only one who thinks that with the state of the economy, that penny is just not cutting it? Offer me a thousand dollars and we’ll talk.

What about “A word to the wise is sufficient”? So if I come up to someone and say ” Monkey” they will know exactly what to do with that sage advice?

Ok, I’m rambling now. Maybe I should be “A (wo)man of few words” and just get to the food huh?

Well, since I still have no oven cause the landlord hasn’t called back, I made chocolate pudding. Deep dark rich and creamy chocolate pudding. Pudding so good you’ll weep. Pudding so creamy…

I’m rambling again aren’t I? Sigh. Here ya go. Deep dark chocolate pudding with a Strawberry sauce.

Deep Dark Chocolate Pudding With Strawberry Couli

  1. 1 16 oz container frozen strawberries in syrup, thawed
  2. 1 1/2 cups sugar (can be subbed with splenda)
  3. 2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, sifted to break up the lumps)
  4. 1/3 cup cornstarch
  5. 1/2 teaspoon salt
  6. 1/2 teaspoon instant coffee powder (doesn’t add flavor so much as depth and can be omitted if desired)
  7. 4 cups whole milk
  8. 1 cup heavy cream
  9. 1 cup chocolate chips (can use milk or semi sweet. Milk makes for a milder pudding; semi sweet makes a strong deep chocolate flavor)
  10. 3 teaspoons vanilla extract

Strawberry Couli

  • To make the couli couldn’t be simpler- Dump your container of strawberries, syrup and all, into a blender or the bowl of a food processor. Blend or process until it is a nice puree; maybe 5 seconds. You can either use it as is or slowly whisk 2 tablespoons of cornstarch into it and heat until it is boiling and thickened, then let cool. Either way works.

Chocolate Pudding

  • In a fairly large saucepan or pot, whisk together the cocoa, sugar, salt and cornstarch. Try to break up any little lumps.
  • Slowly whisk in the milk. If you pour it all in at once, you’ll have a time getting all the lumps out. Do it a bit at a time.
  • Over medium heat, stirring constantly (go to a wooden spoon now), heat until the mixture is gently boiling and thickened.
  • Remove from heat and stir in the chocolate chips and vanilla. Let it sit for about 5 minutes then stir to combine the now melted chips with the pudding mixture. Pour into a large bowl and cover with plastic wrap to prevent a skin from forming. Chill for at least 2 hours.
  • When pudding is chilled, whip the one cup of heavy cream. Fold the cream into the pudding mixture until thoroughly combined.
  • Spoon a large spoonful of the strawberry couli onto the bottom of your serving bowls. Add chocolate pudding on top of this and then top with more whipped cream (I used chocolate whipped cream because…well… cause I could.) and more couli. This makes five “Oh my God; you expect me to eat all of that?!” sized servings or 10 normal ones. The recipe can be easily halved.
  • You can make this pudding up to the point of chilling and then eat as is or with the sauce without folding in the heavy cream but be warned; without the addition of the cream, it is a very heavy dense creamy pudding. The addition of the whipped cream in it lightens it up (as contrary as that may sound lol)

Hmm; methinks I need to get new dishwasher detergent if the water spots on that glass are any indication 😛

 

 

Knock Knock!

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Me: Who’s there?

Child: Banana!

Me: Banana who?

Child: Knock knock!

Me: Who’s there?

Child: Banana!

Me (said with a sob in my voice): Banana who?

Child: Knock knock!

Me: (as I bang my head off of a hard surface)Who’s there for petes sake!?

Child: Orange

Me: Orange who?

Child (giggling with extreme maniacal glee)Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana!?

In 25 years of motherhood, I have heard that knock knock joke approximately 5, 362 times. Add the 10,422 times I have heard Elephant jokes (ok, so I actually like those and routinely annoy people with them myself), fart jokes, pee jokes and jokes that make no sense whatsoever (Mommy, why did the…ummmm…the purple boy run across the street? Me- Why? Child- Because he wanted to eat a cookie! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Did you like that one momma!?) and it is a wonder I have any shred of sanity left.

When my son Jordan, who at sixteen has the childlike heart of an eight year old due to various mental disabilities he deals with, told me that joke for the 5,362nd time today, I laughed and groaned as my job description of mom demands I do, then I went back to thinking about todays post. I knew I wanted to make something sweet; surprise surprise, right? But I wasn’t sure what. Then the orange knock knock joke popped into my head at the same time as a serious chocolate craving hit me upside the head.  So this is what I came up with for today. I hope you enjoy them. We did. 🙂 These are a moist dessert like muffin (not that that will stop me from eating them for breakfast!) bursting with orange flavor and dark chocolate chips.

 

Orange & Dark Chocolate Muffins

  1. 1 1/2 cups sugar
  2. 3/4 cup butter
  3. 1 6 ounce container orange yogurt
  4. 3/4 cup orange marmalade
  5. 2 teaspoons orange extract
  6. 1/2 cup thawed orange juice concentrate
  7. 3 large eggs
  8. 2 1/2 cups all purpose flour
  9. 2 teaspoons baking powder
  10. 1/2 teaspoon salt
  11. 1 10 to 12 ounce bag dark chocolate chips (Nestle has some out now)
  • Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Line 22 muffin cups with paper liners (or grease really well but as we all know, I have a thing for making as little dirty dishes as humanly possible)
  • Beat sugar and butter in a large bowl at medium high speed until light and fluffy. Add in the yogurt, marmalade, orange extract and juice. Beat until thoroughly blended. Beat in eggs, Again, beat until well blended.
  • In a small bowl, mix together your flour, baking powder and salt. Pour it into the bowl of wet ingredients and mix with a large spoon (if you use your beater, you take the chance of 1) wearing a bowl full of flour and 2) over mixing) JUST until everything is combined. Don’t over mix or you’ll end up with tough muffins.
  • Mix in the chocolate chip; again, just until mixed.
  • Bake in the 375 degree oven until golden brown. Mine took 22 minutes.

 

What Do You Mean It’s “Too Rich”?!

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My husband Russell is notoriously difficult to make desserts for. He is one of those abnormal ought to be forced to eat liver just because people who will eat three bites of a dessert and then say he is done, saying something is “too rich” or “too sweet”. What the heck does that mean?! There is no such thing. Ok, so maybe I have been known to say something is too sweet but never ever have I uttered such blasphemy as to say something is too rich.

Mind you, this is also a man who can polish off half a bag of tortilla chips and a can of dip and then be back in the cabinet half an hour later saying he is hungry, but that’s a story for another time when I’m not absurdly jealous of his ability to not weigh 300 pounds doing that.

Point of all this is that I wanted to make a dessert that all categories of dessert eaters could enjoy. Something for the weird people who say they don’t really like sweets and something for those of us who are smart enough to know that there is no such thing as too rich. So I came up with this bundt cake. Boring you say? Not this one. This one is rich and oh so moist with the flavor of a warm Mounds bar (well, if you eat it warm. Otherwise, it would be a cold Mounds bar. Just sayin’) with a nice crispy crust and to appease the beast in us sweets lovers, a creamy glaze also filled with a subtle coconut flavor and aroma. It’s also extremely easy.

HOMEMADE MOUNDS BAR CAKE

  1. 1 18 ounce box chocolate cake mix (I used Duncan Hines)
  2. 1 3.4 ounce box instant chocolate pudding mix
  3. 1 15 ounce can cream of coconut (NOT coconut milk. Cream of coconut is usually found in the section where they keep drink mixers)
  4. 1 teaspoon coconut extract
  5. 3 large eggs
  6. 1/2 cup vegetable oil
  • For the glaze
  1. 1/2 cup powdered sugar
  2. 1/2 teaspoon coconut extract
  3. heavy cream or milk
  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Mix all the cake ingredients together in  a large bowl. Beat on low until blended then turn the beater to medium high and beat for 2 minutes.
  • Pour batter into a well greased and floured Bundt pan (I use the non stick spray  that has both oil and flour in it. You can find it right with the non spray oil under the name of Bakers Joy or Pillsbury Baking Spray With Flour).
  • Cook in a 350 degree oven for between 40 to 60 minutes. If unsure of it’s done, stick a toothpick (I use bamboo grilling skewers. hey, it works! 😛 ) down in it. It should come out almost clean or with barely a crumb on it.
  • Turn out onto a rack or plate and let cool completely.
  • Put your powdered sugar in a small bowl. Add a little bit of milk or cream and the coconut extract. Stir. Add more cream…a little bit at a time… until you have a nice drizzling consistency. Drizzle the glaze over the cooled cake. Serve with some sort of decadent ice cream so that the non sweet eaters can’t finish it all and you have to eat it for them.

If I'm really lucky, my husband will have one bite of ice cream and then hand the rest of the cake and ice cream over to me. 😀